Well HELLO THERE!!!!!! You are reading these on my brand new site and I’m elated it’s here, both for me and for you! I’m writing a whole post about why I rebranded and created a new website, so more on that soon, but I hope it’s easier to read and navigate and makes it more pleasant to visit!
It’s kind of fitting that the first new blog post to hit the brand new blog is a Letter since that’s really how my blogging journey started almost years ago — by writing about my life and everything that I was going through…family, work, school, fitness, hardships and more. I’ll wax nostalgic in an upcoming post, but for now, let me just say thank you. Thank you so much for being here and especially thank you to those who have been here for so long. It means more than you know.
March was a weird and hard month. We got more bad news on the fertility front, Thomas got sick, I started new meds that have made sleep really difficult, and then the one thing I was looking forward to all month turned into a disaster. I kept putting off this letter because I didn’t really want to be a downer (since I’ve felt like I have been the last few months), but it’s just a hard period of life right now. But, there were a few exciting things that happened too so I have to celebrate wins when I can.
I asked Bree (who is our nanny and who also manages my YouTube and Rookie Runner instagram account) what to write about when I feel like I’m in a bit of a funk and she suggested focusing less on specific updates, but more about what I’m learning right now and I loved that idea. So, there’s a little section about that too.
Tommy’s birthday is in March, as is his brother’s and his dad’s. It was a milestone birthday for my father-in-law so my sister-in-law planned a big party to celebrate him in Pinehurst at the end of March and I looked forward to it all month. I love Pinehurst — the running and the golf are both awesome — and I love my in-laws so it was a perfect combo.
But it turned into a disaster… Thomas got sick and started steroids the day we left for Pinehurst and he wouldn’t sleep or nap.
I was at the house alone the first day while everyone golfed and Thomas was being so so so hard. (And then my brother-in-law’s 13 year old dog got out — Thomas opened the front door while I was in the bathroom — and Luna ran away and I was hysterically sobbing, thinking she was gone forever… I did find her but then she came inside and promptly peed on the floor while I had a screaming, overtired toddler on hand.)
So I decided I didn’t want to have another night where he was up until midnight and back up at 6am like the first night (and I didn’t fall asleep until around 2 that night) so I took Thomas home. I had plans to come back the next day but he was still not feeling well, so I stayed in Winston with him rather than going back.
And I was not doing well myself. The new fertility meds I’m on make me very anxious and depressed and are triggering some of the same symptoms I struggled with when I had severe postpartum anxiety and depression. So to miss out on something I was excited about and then to be alone while everyone else was on vacation just felt like a punch in the gut. But, that’s motherhood I suppose.
I’ll share a quick update today since I’ll write a detailed blog post soon, but in short, the previous medication I was on wasn’t working so we started a new one this month. And I found out last week that the new one isn’t working either, even after increasing my dose. (We tested after the first few days on the new meds and it was having no impact.) As I’m writing this, I’m still waiting for the nurses to call with an update on my bloodwork to help us decide the next steps for the next few days.
I still have appointments every few days which makes it hard to make any plans and to take any sort of vacation or just regular life and honestly I just need a break. If the new medication isn’t working and we need to change courses, I’m planning to take a month off so I can go home to see my family in Utah and maybe take a beach trip. I’m just fried, frustrated and sad and a month of freedom from it all would be very welcome.
March was a BIG month because we got ready to launch my new website on which you are now reading this! I had wanted to rebrand for years (more details in an upcoming post about why) but it seemed so overwhelming to not only find a designer, but a developer who could bring to life what I was envisioning and handle the migration of 14 years of content and over 1400 posts. I interviewed a few different companies and when I met with Studio 9 and Made to Thrive, I knew I’d found my team.
Hannah, per usual, has been truly incredible. So much of the dirty work falls to her to get the site ready — checking a million links, manually updating hundreds of photos, adding products and categories to the Shop page, setting up our email list, and countless other things. I honestly can’t imagine my business without her and I’m beyond blessed to have her on my team.
I’m trying to figure out when to go to Utah since I haven’t been home in two years. Bree is off from May 3-10 so it kind of makes sense to go then, but Memorial Day weekend is also an important holiday in my family and everyone is together in the Vernal area and visits multiple family graveyards. I love the idea of being there for that, since I haven’t been home for Memorial Day in 6 years, but I also know Thomas won’t remember it. So maybe it’s better to wait until he’s a little older. It’s not easy to get to Vernal and Neola (it’s 3 hours from my parents house) so it’d be a LOT to fly out there and then drive out to the Uintas.
I could fly into Vernal (but that requires a layover), and then I’d have to figure out car seats and baby gear in a really remote area unless my mom was able to meet us out there early to get us from that airport. (In the past, I’ve rented items from BabyQuip and there are a million options to rent in SLC and I really don’t want to fly with my own stuff.) Or, I could fly back to NC from Vernal, but the thought of flying alone back with a toddler and a layover terrifies me. (I already have flight anxiety as it is and I don’t take my medication when I’m flying with Thomas and Tommy can’t stay in Utah for the whole trip so I’ll be flying solo at least one way.)
As I’m writing this, it’s probably simplest to not attempt Memorial Day this year and go for the easier Utah option of just going for a regular week and spending time in SLC, but I know Thomas would LOVE my brother’s house in Vernal (he’s a literal cowboy).
There are so many variables and I’m paralyzed by options. You can probably gather my brain is just spinning on the topic while writing. Eek.
Okay, enough about all that, let’s get into some things I’m learning!
Well, I wouldn’t exactly say I’m learning these, but I’m being reminded of their importance. I have very little control over how my body responds to the fertility medication and since I really like knowing every if/then what scenario, the unknown with treatments is really hard for me. I also feel like I’m failing in some way, and I know that’s unfair and untrue, so I have to try to let go of that emotion too.
My blog has been on WordPress from the very beginning but I only switched to Gutenberg (which is the most recent editing platform) and while it’s more visually appealing, it’s very different from the HTML editor I used in the past. This old school blogger has to learn new tricks right now, but it’s been nice since this business can feel a bit like a hamster wheel for doing it for well over a decade.
I also really want to learn more about SEO. There is so much opportunity there and while I have a great team I’ve hired for that, I’d like to be more self sufficient so I can go down some deep rabbit holes since I find it very interesting. But SEO is a huge beast to learn and I know just enough to be dangerous but not enough to be truly effective. I’m looking into taking Hashtag Jeff’s course (again).
This is also a whole new world for me. I’m so thankful that Bree has a pretty good sense for YouTube and had her own channel in the past since she does everything on my channel – editing, descriptions, covers, uploading, etc. There is so much to learn about growing there, but it’s a been a fun new avenue to explore even if it’s definitely not contributing any revenue right now.
Alright, I’ll wrap it up for now! I’d love to hear what you’re learning lately! Or, if you have advice about my Utah trip paralysis, please share. As always, I’m so thankful for all of you and for all your love and support in so many areas of my life. I don’t take it for granted that I seem to have the kindest readers of any of my fellow blogging friends.